David Sprague’s Random Thoughts From The Final Four

One thing that’s great about covering a national championship is that the coaches are a lot more pleasant to deal with during press conferences. The “What are you feeling now?” and “How much did scraping your knee when you were eight prepare you for this moment?” questions are answered with zest and pleasure, as opposed to the rolling of the eyes, followed by heavy sigh and response in a tone which, if translated, would mean, “I wish I were allowed to punch you in front of all your peers right now’. You could probably ask these coaches about their juvenile delinquent child right now and they’d answer it with a smile.

Here’s something I enjoy: Sportswriters and broadcasters using an introduction, set-up, and wrap up to ask a question to show off their brilliance. Example: “Coach, when the beaches of Normandy were stormed many lives were lost, yet so much freedom was gained as the allied forces eventually saved the world from the dreaded Nazi’s conquest of Europe and quite possibly the rest of the world. In 1945, of course the war ended and the world was at ease allowing Americans to re-focus on things more trivial such as college basketball. Do you think the three-point shot should be moved back?”

Have you ever gone from wanting someone to be given Chinese water torture to wanting to hug that same person in less than 10 seconds? If you ever play blackjack and the drunken goober at third base holds with a six when the dealer shows a five and that move miraculously causes the dealer to bust, you will experience the aforementioned emotions in that order. Guaranteed. Also, what do you think the chances are of that same guy storming away from the table broke and disgusted about 15 minutes later? If you said 100%, you are correct.

There is a look in the eyes of some of the service people in St. Louis. That look? The “If one more group of people screams ‘I-L-L’ and another group on the other side of the restaurant screams back ‘I-N-I’, I may have to commit assault with a sizzling-hot plate of toasted ravioli” look.

Quick questions:

Did you know that they are selling beer in downtown St. Louis and that a lot of people like to drink it? It’s true, seriously.

At what point in your life do you decide that it is a good idea to paint your flabby chest and show it off to 47,000 people?

If the folks who ran the cable TV companies were as persistent about their job as housekeeping maids who bang on your door at 8 AM, do you think Dish Network would go out of business in, like, 15 minutes?

Why does a greasy cheeseburger at midnight taste so much better than it does at noon?