Commentary: Soccer Doesn’t Cut It

I’ve tried to like soccer. When the World Cup came to the United States back in 1994, I watched. I was somewhat interested when the U.S. women’s team won the World Cup last year. But for all my efforts, I just can’t stay interested in soccer. And I think it’s more than attention deficit disorder. Soccer is best digested in ten second highlight clips. You know, the ten seconds where a goal is actually scored in the middle of a 90-minute game? Soccer can’t even conduct playoffs right. The Wizards won the first game of their playoff series against Colorado. But do they lead one game to none? No, they lead three POINTS to none. So if they win tonight, they will win their series, and if they lose tonight they will play game three. But the problem is, they could TIE tonight. What other sport lets you tie a playoff game? Only soccer. Only in soccer can you play a post-season game and have nothing decided. You shouldn’t have to explain a point formula to fans in the playoffs. If you win, you advance. If you lose, you go home. Unless you’re in Europe, then you riot. I hate soccer.